To you this looks like just an ordinary pillow, but to me it’s not just a pillow. You see the patterns sown together to make this pillow, it’s actually pieces of shirts worn faithful by someone I miss dearly. Someone that was taken from this life way to soon.
This may not be your ordinary blog, but there are days when I look at this pillow and think of how much I miss him.
This person loved me no matter situations or difficulties, he was always thoughtful and would go out of his way to bring a smile to my face. Back in the early 1980’s this man would marry my aunt, my mom’s sister. This man become my uncle through marriage, but he loved me and all of the family like he had always been there and been apart. He did not see me as just his wives niece, he seen me as his niece. He always made each of us a part of his life.
January 27, 2012, life was carrying on like every other day. As always I got up like I normally do every morning to get ready for work and start the day. As I was halfway through my morning routine I heard the phone ring, I thought nothing of it, it was normal for it to ring but little odd to be so early in the morning. I carried on a few minutes then I heard the cry and pain of my mother’s voice. As I raced down the stairs to her room, my heart was beating fast and terror and fear ripped through my mind and heart, what could have happened. I reached my parents room where my mom stood weeping unable to talk, all she could say was “Gary”, then I heard the words, his was in a wreck and has been killed. My heart sank, my heart broke not only because I just lost the only uncle that made me a part of his life, but my heart broke for his wife and children. How would life go on?
I called my boss and let him know I would not be in. I packed my things and got my mother ready and packed. Then we set off for Mississippi, what seemed to be longest but slowest drive ever. The drive I dreaded to have to make. The day that our lives changed and the day that changed ever drive to Mississippi. The day I lost a piece of my heart. He was my favorite Uncle, the one the spent time with me and built memories, he would be the only one I really ever had.
Now, I’m not one to say or post about family matters or circumstances, etc, but before this there had been a little space of time that somethings come up between me and my Aunt. She was always my favorite and always will be, no matter what. We all are human and go through things, but we are to forgive, let it go and move past it. It was during this time of loss one night, I don’t remember if it was before or after his burial. I stayed there with her at night, as she would lay in the recliner and I would lay on the couch, I would listen as she would cry all night long, and mumble about him. Where is he? Why has he not come home? He should be home. This ripped my heart into pieces. If anyone knows me, you know I can’t stand to see someone crying or hurting it just rips my heart. The night I will never forget, as she sat there crying, I got up from the couch and went over and wrapped her in my arms, I don’t remember the words I said as we sat there and cried. That night is the night that, the past no longer mattered, here was my aunt and she needed me and I was going to be there for her and love her, cry with her, and one day when the pain was less, laugh with her and smile with her.
The day we lost him and the nights at the house there without him, was the hardest. Oh, how my heart ached and waited for him to walk through the door. You see I didn’t get to see him before he passed, it had been several months, and when he passed they were not able to do an open casket. So, I would sit in the dark on those first few nights remembering his face and words every time I walked in the door on visits, every joke or crazy thing he would do. Just wishing to see him one more time or hear his voice and laughter one more time. That dreadful day, I lost something dear, that I will have to live without on this earth. Life isn’t the same without him.
He got up on a normal morning and started out for his work routine. He drove an 18 wheeler for a big tire company. He was doing his job as he would all other days. When at the break of dawn, he topped a hill. There lay another 18 wheeler that had hit an elderly couple in a car. The 18 wheeler was driven by a man that was not legal to drive the 18 wheeler, but the company failed to protect other citizens that day, when they put someone in a truck to drive that was not legal to drive it. Yes, my uncle could have made a decision to save his life and take the life of the elderly. Being the kind hearted man he was, he chose to spare those people’s lives and run through the trailer of the wrecked 18 wheeler. Leaving his body mangled and nothing left of the cab of his truck. Even tho that day left a pain and an ache in our hearts because we want him here and wish he were, he also become a hero when he chose to take his own life and save the life’s of someone else’s, mom & dad, and grandparent.
To this day after almost 7 years my heart still aches for the loss that my aunt and her children have in their lives. He loved his family, he loved his children. His children and family were his life. I ache because I don’t know how life could go on without a parent, and it hurts to see his children and grandchildren to have to go on with life and make a life for them and their families without him. It hurts some days because he has missed so much, and we have missed him being at so many things.
I’ve seen his family carry on with life and rebuild their lives in a different way and see them smile again at times, but I know there will always be that void and pain there no matter what. Our lives go on, but we never forget.
That is why this special pillow means so much to me, I’ll always have a piece of him wherever I go in life. He was my favorite and no one can take his place. I miss his tomato gravy and biscuits early on Sunday mornings, he made the best.
We have all suffered loss and left with a hole in our hearts, nothing can take the pain away of a loss, but God does heal, strengthen and comfort. He gives us hope for a new and brighter day. I wish God would have allowed us to have him with us a little longer, but through his loss God also restored somethings.
No life isn’t perfect, no family is perfect, no friendship or relationship is perfect, we are all human flesh and require work until the day we die. One thing is for sure though imperfections don’t change the way you look at someone or love them, you see those imperfections as a part of someone and you love beyond those things. We all have flaws, but we can all love and not make little moe hills into mountains. No matter what, we chose to love, love like Christ.
God gave his life for us, so that we could be saved, just like my uncle gave his life to save the life of someone else.
Uncle Gary, I miss you more than words can say, but I’m am thankful for the years you were here with us. As humans we are selfish and want you here with us instead of having to live without you, but God knew the future and we had to let you go. You will forever be in my heart and you will never be forgotten.
Your favorite niece 😝